i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
