No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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