Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
