I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
