i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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