I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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