So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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