Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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