connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize