I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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