we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
