ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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