just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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