well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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