1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
