I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
