Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
