This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
