His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
