I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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