Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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