my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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