You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
