Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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