Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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