i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
