one might say we're banned from that church
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
