Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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