It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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