so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This couple is walking their pig around campus
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
