why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
