Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
