Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
