i jhust puked up my retainher.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
