Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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