careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
