nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Houston, we have a blender
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
