I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
