wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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