Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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