i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
