i just sent this text using only my big toe
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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