So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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