cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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