I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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