The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
