i don't like sucking hair
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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