How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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