I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
