Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
