If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
