Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I want is dick and wine.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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