the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
