oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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