I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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