what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
