Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
