I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize