How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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