Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
