she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
