What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
