Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
