do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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