So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sober January is a disaster.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
