does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
