I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
