i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
