You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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