sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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