i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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