I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hippo gnu deer
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
