just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
