i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
