wakey wakey hands off snakey
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
