you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
A bitchslap is in order.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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