piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...