i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
