i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner