I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
