is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
